I got a confession, I haven’t been doing so well recently. In terms of my health that is.I have been keeping it from you and it has affected my work. I have had depression since the age of six or five, I was severely depressed until I was twenty then I was moderately depressed from then (thanks to therapy and some fluoxetine), then somewhere in the next year I felt normal. Which largely means I got used to being moderately or a bit depressed, in those times I had bouts of true  mental wellbeing and happiness and they always surprised me and I freakin cherished them. Drugs can’t make a depressive happy, I know because I have tried them, In fact, I do make a reference to this in my book. Truth is, manufactured happiness (that from recreational drugs) and true happiness or normalness are not the same, manufactured happiness is just face and shrouds the issues or distracts you from it while real happiness is just pure and freeing. So I struggled a lot, working is a drag but I do it anyway because I have to (by working I mean writing).

This explains my last tweet of 2015.

The tweet


The truth is I have been pushing myself a bit too hard and I think it has taken its toll on my health. Two months or so I ago, despite saying I was doing well in terms of my health, I attempted another suicide. I failed, so that is good. You can say I should have seen it coming but I couldn’t have, severe depression sneaks up on you when you least expect like a mugger in a dark alley. I am not doing so well right now…so I think I should take a short break from writing before I do anything worse.

If I was Selene Gomez singing Same Old Love it would be like this:

Instead of going:

I’m so sick of that same old love, that shit, it tears me up

I’m so sick of that same old love, my body’s had enough

Oh, (that same old love) [2x]

I’m so sick of that same old love, feels like I’ve blown apart

I’m so sick of that same old love, the kind that breaks your heart

Oh, (that same old love) [2x]


I would go :


I’m so sick of that same old life, that shit, it tears me up

I’m so sick of that same old life, my body’s had enough

Oh, (that same old life) [2x]

I’m so sick of that same old life, feels like I’ve blown apart

I’m so sick of that same old life, the kind that breaks your heart

Oh, (that same old life) [2x]

That does not mean this blog is doomed, however, it might mean the second book of the Scarleton Series might be released a bit later than intended. I need to take care of my health or they won’t be a book or me. To make up for the delay I’m will publish a quarter (25 000 words) of Pyre of Envy on Wattpad on the day of its original release date.


Thank you, everyone.

Keep well.

I’m sorry about lying about my health, I really didn’t mean to.

Now to leave you with a lyric from a song that may or may not have anything to do with this post:

“I’m sick. I’m Fucked. I feel no pain.” – Sylar  ‘Mirrors’


5 thoughts on “Confessions

  1. That most definitely does not mean this blog is fucked. This blog is very inspirational to me. Even when we’re doing our “best” to accomplish whatever it is we’re trying to accomplish or overcome, we all have setbacks. No way to avoid them. Just a part of the journey, regardless of where we’re going. You had a setback. That’s okay. From what I read here, you will pick yourself back up, when you’re good and ready, and life will go on, move forward, in the “right” direction. This, too, shall pass. I, also, get it, your lyric, the last line of this post. I GET IT! I believe that book will be out and published much sooner than you are thinking, as of today. Stay true to yourself. Determination and perseverance will take you a long way, as you already know because of some of your many accomplishments to date. Hang in there. Don’t give up. We all have setbacks, but not everyone gets back up, like you’ve done before, and will do again, just as soon as you’re ready. You have to do it for no one, other than yourself! I wish you the best on your journey and I look forward to following your success. Take care. Peace. xx 🙂


  2. No need to ever feel so all alone, especially here at WP. I’m sure there are many other’s that get it, too! If you ever want to talk, vent, or whatever, I’m here, just send me a message in the comments box of any post and I’ll be there. And remember, I’m sick, I’m fucked, and I feel no pain, either!! LOL Keep on keepin’ on! Peace xx 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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